Ferry Simulator

You wake up, in a relatively dull hotel room, the bed is comfortably uncomfortable and the room's a pasty shade of white. Typical hotel room, but one you won't have to stay in for long, as you have a ferry to catch, aiming to travel from Calais to Dover. You can [[shower]] or [[pack your bags]], or perhaps you feel a [[yawn->yawn1]] coming on... (if:$restartstate is 'sleep')[You swear you've seen this room before. [[Inspect the walls.->hotel room walls]] [[Check if you're awake.->hotel room awake]]]

You get up, go into the bathroom, and have a shower. It is unfulfilling and lukewarm, the pressure more like a light drizzle than a shower. You get out and [[dry yourself off]].

You put all of your meagre possessions in a small bag.(if:(history: where its name contains "hotel room")'s length >= 2)[It feels the same as it did... yesterday?] Some more notable belongings include almost fifty euros which you failed to spend, (if:(history: where its name contains "hotel room")'s length is 1)[and a [[cheap bottle]] of french... well, whatever the french do. And some [[cheese]] as well, for good measure. The cheeses are for a friend, you tell yourself.](if:(history: where its name contains "hotel room")'s length >= 2)[and some [[little trinkets]] for a friend back home.]

You [[yawn.->yawn2]]

You [[yawn again->yawn3]]. [[Pack your bags.->pack your bags]] [[Shower.->shower]]

It's very cheap. The label is not stuck on properly, and this would usually mean a sort of 'small batch' or 'artisanal' thing resides within. But this is not one of those cases. You can almost see where the mechanical label-printer at the factory has jammed and nearly failed to cut off the label in time. The [[barcode]] is all wrong. Continue [[packing->packing 2]]. (if:(history: where its name contains "shower")'s length <= 0)[Have a [[shower]].]

The cheeses you get were seemingly a good idea, however you never seemed to question why the cheeses were so cheap...or the fact that the shop owers were so suprised that you bought so many of them. You bought as much of the brie as you could, yet never stopped to check the date it goes out of date on, until late last night. You curse inwardly before rolling your eyes and putting the cheese back in the bag before regret takes hold. [[Continue packing.->packing 2]]

A lot of numbers. They don't mean anything.(if:visits is 2)[ [[Or do they?->barcode numbers]]] Continue [[packing->packing 2]].

The bag is a little tattered and heavy. You remember buying it a long time ago and thinking that it was the best thing you'd bought in a while. Now the fabric degradation begs to differ. Continue [[packing.->packing 3]]

You look at the shower. The shower stares back, uncaring and unforgiving. Continue [[staring]]. [[Pack your bags->pack your bags]].

Why are you trying to have a staring contest with a shower? Not even a good one at that. And even if the shower had had eyes, you almost certainly would have lost. (if:visits is 2)[Your Text Here][You swear you see it blink as you turn around.] [[Pack your bags.->pack your bags]]

You know, you don't get an achievement for yawning. [[Pack your bags.->pack your bags]] (if: $plays >= 2)[[[Yawn again.->yawn 4]]]

You finish packing your things, and somehow remember all of the itmes that are vital to your crossing. Passport, keys, wallet, all the essentials. The drawer in the hotel contains nothing but a french translation of the [[bible->hotel bible]]. [[Leave your room.->hotel corridor 1]] (click-replace: "Passport")[Passport, (complete with terrible mugshot)] (click-replace: "keys")[keys, (can't lose em)] (click-replace: "wallet")[wallet, (fifty euros to spend on the boat)]

(size:1.7)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X=")[Welcome to ''//(text-style:"smear")[Ferry Simulator]//''] A game by //Alistair Fraser// and //Alex Taylor// [[New game->welcome]] [[Continue->hotel room]] (size:0.7)+(align:"<===")[[[Achievements->achievements]] [[Credits->credits]]]

Ferry Simulator is a game not for the faint of heart. It's all sorts of messed up at points and can basically go anywhere at any time. Do anything and everything. Click on all you desire - links are generally in (text-colour:blue)[[[blue->welcome secret]]], used links are generally in (text-colour:purple)[purple]. So, uh... And one thing we have to ask is that you refrain from going back. And if you're playing a version of //Ferry Simulator// that has going back disabled, well, this notice still remains. But anyway, on with [[the show->hotel room]], I'm sure you're up for the job. Whatever the 'job' entails. (set: $period to 'present') (set: $absurdity to 0) (set: $plays to 0) (set: num-type $money to 50) (set: $business to 1) (set: $restartstate to 'start') [[skip to ship for testing->ferry stairwell 3]]

It's in french. You can't read much french, especially not when it's mainly about ecclesiastical matters.(if:(history: where its name contains "little trinkets")'s length >= 1)[ But what does it //mean// to read french - 'oh, shut up, you're getting a little pretentious now', you think to yourself.] [[Leave the room.->hotel corridor 1]]

The corridor is horrible. Grime up and down the walls, leaf fragments stamped into the bristly brown carpet. [[Explore the hotel.->hotel corridor 2]] [[Check out.->hotel lobby]] (if:visits is 2)[Take the stairs to the [[top floor.->hotel top floor]]]

The other corridor is equally as horrid as your one. Upstairs isn't much better. The [[back of the hotel->hotel corridor 3]] beckons, there's a pool there apparently.

You walk into the lobby. The lady at the checkout speaks perfect english. She asks you if you enjoyed the pool. (if:(history: where its name contains "hotel pool")'s length >= 1)[You smile, remembering the colour...] (if:(history: where its name contains "hotel pool")'s length <= 0)[You smile and say, "I didn't visit." She still looks happy.] She takes your slightly sticky keys and smiles again. The smile looks genuine. You say thanks. [[Leave.->hotel outside]]

Every corridor gets slightly worse than the last by virtue of there being //more// of this hotel. You can't believe that after making the last section of the hotel you walked through, they would make more of it. (if:visits is 1)[You see the pool through the [[back doors->hotel pool]].](if:(history: where its name contains "hotel pool")'s length >= 1)[It's even worse now that you've seen the outside world. The [[lobby->hotel lobby]] is just round the corner.]

(if:(history: where its name contains "hotel room")'s length is 1)[It, by every definition of a pool, is not really a pool. If you lay end to end it's not that much longer. It's a pool of water in the same way that the filth that backs up out of a blocked drainpipe is a pool. There are a million leaves in the pool, and they block the light from getting to the algae on the green-blue sides. Plus, the water level looks like it has dropped down significantly.](if:(history: where its name contains "hotel room")'s length is 2)[It's a pool. But it wasn't supposed to be here. You went up the stairs, and right back down the same stairs, and you ended up here instead of your room. It is still [[full of leaves->pool leaves]], regardless of its particular place within this hotel.] [[Go back inside->hotel corridor 3]] [[Test the temperature of the water->pool temperature]]

It's freezing. The pool is much colder than the air around it, somehow. [[Return to the corridor.->hotel corridor 3]]

The hotel is still slightly grotty at the front. It's amazing you didn't realise this when you came in. But, it was cheap and the food was decent, so you're not going to complain. The sky is bright, and the world looks quite nice. It's morning, and you swear you catch a whiff of the cheese in your bag. But it's probably coming from the hotel restaurant. [[Walk to the port.->walk to port]] [[Get a taxi to the port.->taxi 1]] (click-replace: "complain")[post a bad review on the internet, not that that really changes anything]

(if:visits is 1)[You walk.(after: 2s)[= You walk some more. (after: time + 2s)[= You walk even more. (after: time + 2s)[= You have a look at the ships in the harbour. (after: time + 2.5s)[= (if:(history: where its name contains "taxi 1")'s length >= 1)[You think about how it's been a lot longer than five minutes.] (after: time + 3.5s)[= Your bag is pretty heavy.(after: time + 4s)[= Eventually, you reach the port. It's not very impressive, but it's a port. You came here at some point, so you know roughly what to do. But all the signs are in... oh no, there's both languages there. And a bit of german as well, for some reason. [[Keep walking through the port.->pre-port 1]]] (if:visits is 2)[[[Keep walking through the port.->pre-port 1]]]

There are a few taxis over in the car park. Most of the drivers are standing around, smoking. You ask one of them to take you to the port, and he laughs. "Is... it's a five minute walk." [[Ask again.->taxi 2]] [[Walk.->walk to port]]

"Alright." says one of them. You get in the taxi and look out of the window. He says it'll be ten euros. It's a bit steep for such a short journey, but you did pester him to do it. He drops you off right at the port. [[Get out of the taxi.->pre-port 1]] (set: $money to it - 10) (click-append: "pester")[ (it is his job, though...)]

Hmm, €$money to spend on the ship. Not a lot, most of your funds have been spent already. And your card went missing a few days ago. At least you still have the ferry tickets. (if:(history: where its name contains "cheese")'s length >= 1)[And the cheese.] (if:(history: where its name contains "cheap bottle")'s length >= 1)[And the french... stuff.](if:(history: where its name contains "barcode numbers")'s length >= 1)[And the numbers on the barcode. Well, not that you would want to bring the barcode without the bottle, but hey, you can do whatever you please.] [[Look around at the cars.->pre-port cars]] [[Walk up to the desks.->passport check]]

There are no achievements in Ferry Simulator. (if:(history: where its name contains "yawn 4")'s length >= 1)[Oh, except the one where you yawned.] [[Back.->intro screen]]

alex taylor: writing, coding alistair fraser: writing twine 2.0 harlowe 3.2.3 the minibus where we invented the game [[Back.->intro screen]]

(if:(history: where it contains "hotel")'s length <= 5)[You got here very early. You must be in a rush.] The person at the desk doesn't care. He takes your passport and glares. [[Glare back.->passport check 2]] [[Stand perfectly still.->passport check 2]] [[Pull a face.->passport check 2]]

You look at the cars. I would put something interesting here but it's a car ferry and it's the morning. Is anyone with a noteworthy car really going to be coming here at this time of day? [[Back.->pre-port 1]]

He looks unimpressed.(click-replace: "unimpressed")[very unimpressed](after: time + 3s)[= He returns your passport. It does not recieve [[a stamp->stamp story]].(after: time + 2s)[= (if:visits is 1)[You [[move on->ferry waiting room]] in the queue.](if:visits is 2)[You [[move on->ferry waiting room]] in the queue, and [[wait->ferry waiting room announcement]] in the waiting room for a while.]

You've got quite a few stamps in the back of this passport from travelling to places all over the world. Your bag has quite a few tags on it as well, but some of those come from gifts from other people. You've been a well travelled person throughout your whole life, and hopefully that means that this crossing will be one of the simplest you've done. But you would be lying to yourself if you didn't think something was up. The horrible hotel feels like you've been there before, even the... oh, it's just nonsense, of course it is. (click-replace: "you've been there before, even the... oh, it's just nonsense, of course it is.")[nothing much. It was pretty [[dull->ferry waiting room]].]

(if:visits <= 3)[The lobby of the ferry terminal is pallid and pale, but in a wholly different way to the hotel lobby. It's mechanical, brutal, something completely alien. There might be asbestos for all you know.](if:(history: where its name contains "time passes")'s length >= 3)+(if:(history: where its name contains "time passes")'s length <= 5)[It's getting quite boring in here. The other passengers file in and sit down where they can. You're thinking that there are going to be more than enough seats.] (if:(history: where its name contains "time passes")'s length >= 6)[The thing in the ceiling chimes. An [[announcement->ferry waiting room announcement]] is made, first in french, then in english.] (if:(history: where its name contains "time passes")'s length <= 5)[[[Wait.->time passes]]] (click-replace:"mechanical")[just... slightly off] (click-replace:"slightly")[very] (click-replace:"very")[extremely]

[[Time passes.->ferry waiting room]] (after: time + 10s)[= You don't have to //actually// wait, you know...

(if:(history: where its name contains "hotel room nap")'s length <= 0)+(if:visits is 1)[The french announcement is made, and then the english one. Both are equally tinny over the terrible speakers. You're wondering when they're going to switch to english, but then you realise that they've been talking in english for the past twenty seconds. Some people grab their bags and file out, and eventually, you do the same. They [[take your ticket->ferry boarding]].](if:(history: where its name contains "hotel room nap")'s length <= 1)+(if:visits is 2)[You must have gotten here late... the next ferry isn't for a few hours.](if:(history: where its name contains "hotel room nap")'s length <= 0)+(if:visits is 2)[The announcement is made. It is dull. It is ringing a bell, though, despite the fact you still can't make out the words. [[Head to boarding.->ferry boarding]]]

You walk in a small, huddled, 'barely-a-line' queue in order to get on the ferry. At this point, the people drive past you and they do their own thing. Why didn't you bring your car? Who knows. Maybe you might do next time you come back. There's a load of grotty-looking doorways, but at least this time they have the excuse of being functional. You step through one after watching a small child fall over. You're led [[up the stairs->ferry stairwell 3]], away from the car decks. (set: $time to 0) (set: $business to 0) (set: $buttonlevel to 1)

There's some stuff to buy at the cafe. You wonder how all the prices are so nice and round... (if:(history: where its name contains "motion simulator chat")'s length >= 1)[The kid's parents aren't here. There's literally no one in here.] [[Coffee]]: €3 [[Tea]]: €2 [[Drinks]]: €2 [[Sandwiches]]: €6 [[Pastries]]: €3 Current balance: €$money (if:(history: where its name contains "executive ticket 2")'s length >= 1)[You have a coupon for a free drink.] [[Go back.->ferry stairwell 3]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

(if: $time <= 120)+(if: $plays is 0)[Standing here, you see a [[map->ferry map]] of the whole ship, and a [[shop->ferry floor 3 shop]] and a [[small cafe->ferry floor 3 cafe]]. There's more places over on the [[other side->ferry floor 3 rear]] of the ship.](if: $time > 120)+(if: $plays is 0)[An [[alarm->ferry alarm]] is sounded. You weren't paying attention to the announcements on the way on, so you're not sure what this means. It looks like the lifts have been turned off for the time being.](if: $time <= 100)+(if: $plays is 1)[Standing here, you see the ferry, before the incident that you witnessed. There's the [[shop->ferry floor 3 shop]], a [[small cafe->ferry floor 3 cafe]], and more places over on the [[other side->ferry floor 3 rear]] of the ship.](if: $time > 100)+(if: $plays is 1)[An [[alarm->ferry alarm]] is sounded. It happened sooner this time, you think. Oh, god, if last night was a dream, then this must be really happening, right? The alarm is no less annoying than it was last time.] (if: $time <= 120)[Lifts to: [[FLOOR 5->ferry stairwell 5]] [[FLOOR 4->ferry stairwell 4]] [[FLOOR 2->ferry stairwell 2]] [[FLOOR 0->ferry stairwell 0]]] (if: $time <= 120)[Stairs to: [[FLOOR 4->ferry stairwell 4]] [[FLOOR 2->ferry stairwell 2]]] (set: $time to $time + 1) (set: $floor to 3)

Here, there's an [[ATM->ferry floor 3 atm]], an [[information desk->ferry floor 3 info desk]], some [[toilets->ferry floor 3 toilets]], and a [[door->ferry floor 3 deck]] onto the lower outside deck. You can also head [[back->ferry stairwell 3]] to the other end of the boat. (set: $time to $time + 1)

There's some stuff to buy in the shop. [[Commemmorative keychain ornament]] - €10 [[Fake €0 note]] - €5 [[Inflatable baguette]] - €8 [[Wooden sword]] - €15 [[Red, white and blue marbles]] - €3 Current balance: €$money [[Go back.->ferry stairwell 3]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

You don't have a credit card to retrieve money. [[Go back.->ferry floor 3 rear]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

You walk up to the desk. (if:(history: where its name contains "executive ticket")'s length is 0)[//"Hi(if:(history: where its name contains "ferry floor 3 info desk")'s length >= 1)[ again], how can I help you?"//](if:(history: where its name contains "executive ticket")'s length >= 1)[Is there anything else I can do for you?] (if:(history: where its name contains "executive ticket")'s length is 0)["Can I buy an [[executive ticket]]?"] "[[Where->ferry map]] is everything?" [[Go back.->ferry floor 3 rear]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

You walk into the toilets. (if:$business is 0)[[[Stall. ]][[Stall. ]][[Stall. ]][[Stall. ]][[Stall. ]]] [[Go back.->ferry floor 3 rear]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

[[Go back.->ferry floor 3 rear]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

The Floor 5 lift lobby is smaller than the others. There's an exit to the [[upper deck->ferry floor 5 deck]] and a door to the [[executive lounge->ferry floor 5 lounge door]]. Lifts to: [[FLOOR 4->ferry stairwell 4]] [[FLOOR 3->ferry stairwell 3]] [[FLOOR 2->ferry stairwell 2]] [[FLOOR 0->ferry stairwell 0]] Stairs to: [[FLOOR 4->ferry stairwell 4]] (set: $time to $time + 1) (set: $floor to 5)

There's a [[lounge->ferry floor 4 lounge]] and a [[bar->ferry floor 4 bar]] with a [[smoking area->ferry floor 4 deck]]. Lifts to: [[FLOOR 5->ferry stairwell 5]] [[FLOOR 3->ferry stairwell 3]] [[FLOOR 2->ferry stairwell 2]] [[FLOOR 0->ferry stairwell 0]] Stairs to: [[FLOOR 5->ferry stairwell 5]] [[FLOOR 3->ferry stairwell 3]] (set: $time to $time + 1) (set: $floor to 4)

There's an [[arcade->ferry floor 2 arcade]]. (if:$skeeballwin is true)+(if:(history: where its name contains "skee-ball prize")'s length <= 0)[There's an attendant standing in the stairwell. He might be able to get you your [[skee-ball prize]].] Lifts to: [[FLOOR 5->ferry stairwell 5]] [[FLOOR 4->ferry stairwell 4]] [[FLOOR 3->ferry stairwell 3]] [[FLOOR 0->ferry stairwell 0]] Stairs to: [[FLOOR 3->ferry stairwell 3]] [[FLOOR 1->ferry stairwell 1]] (set: $time to $time + 1) (set: $floor to 2)

There's nothing here for you. (if:(history: where its tags contains "lounge")'s length >= 3)[You see a kitchen porter open an adjacent door.] Stairs to: [[FLOOR 2->ferry stairwell 2]] [[FLOOR 0->ferry stairwell 0]] (set: $time to $time + 1) (set: $floor to 1)

There's a door to the [[car deck->ferry floor 0 car deck]] Lifts to: [[FLOOR 5->ferry stairwell 5]] [[FLOOR 4->ferry stairwell 4]] [[FLOOR 3->ferry stairwell 3]] [[FLOOR 2->ferry stairwell 2]] Stairs to: [[FLOOR 1->ferry stairwell 1]] [[FLOOR -1->ferry stairwell -1]] (set: $time to $time + 1) (set: $floor to 0)

YOU ARE ON FLOOR $floor. FLOOR 5: UPPER DECK / EXECUTIVE LOUNGE FLOOR 4: BAR / LOUNGE / SMOKING DECK FLOOR 3: SHOP / CAFE / RESTAURANT / INFO DESK / TOILETS / LOWER DECK FLOOR 2: ARCADE FLOOR 1: - FLOOR 0: CAR DECK [[Back to lobby.->ferry stairwell 3]]

It's very lounge-y.(if:(history: where its name contains "ferry floor 5 lounge")'s length >= 1)[ It's not half as good as the executive lounge, though.](if:(history: where its name contains "executive ticket")'s length >= 1)+(if:(history: where its name contains "executive ticket 2")'s length is 0)[ You wish you had paid for a ticket to the executive lounge when you see the bodies of pensioners sprawled awkwardly or morgue-like across the seats. The view is mediocre, too.] [[Back.->ferry stairwell 4]]

There are various drinks on offer at the bar. Most of them look like complete rubbish, but at least a few stand out as 'not awful' choices. The standards are also there as well.(if:(history: where its name contains "motion simulator chat")'s length >= 1)[ The kid's parents don't seem to be here, either. You ask around and no one seems to know anything.] [[Back.->ferry stairwell 4]]

(if:$time < 60)[You can still see Calais from here. It looks nicer now that it's the picturesque seafront rather than the town itself. ](if:$time > 20)+(if:$time < 60)[It's quite small in the distance, though. ](if:$time >= 30)+(if:$time < 80)[You can just about make out Calais. ] (if:$time > 20)+(if:$time < 50)[There's a family sitting around a metal table, enjoying the pleasant weather. ](if:$time > 60)+(if:$time < 80)[A young-looking couple smokes and [[chats->smoking couple]] together. ](if:$time > 45)+(if:$time < 55)[A small child runs up and down.](if:$time > 55)+(if:$time < 60)[A small boy is complaining about his seasickness. ] [[Go back.->ferry stairwell 4]] [[Wait.->ferry floor 4 deck]] (set: $time to $time + 6)

(if:$time < 30)[You can still see Calais from here. It looks nicer now that it's the picturesque seafront rather than the town itself.] (if:$time > 20)+(if:$time < 30)[It's quite small in the distance, though.](if:$time >= 30)+(if:$time < 40)[You can just about make out Calais.] There's really not all that much to do other than [[wait->ferry floor 5 deck]] or [[leave->ferry stairwell 5]]. (set: $time to $time + 4)

The door says "For Executive Ticket Members Only". (if:(history: where its name contains "executive ticket 2")'s length >= 1)[But that's okay, since you have a executive ticket. You can scan your ticket. (click-append:"scan your ticket.")[- the scanner beeps, and the [[door opens->ferry floor 5 lounge]]. How very fancy. (if:(history: where its name contains "ferry floor 3 cafe")'s length >= 1)[This must be where all the budget for food went.]]] [[Go back->ferry stairwell 5]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

There's a load of games in the arcade, ranging from [[skee-ball]] and [[coin slots]] to [[racing games]] and [[claw machines]]. There's even a [[motion simulator]]. [[Go back->ferry stairwell 2]] to the stairwell. (set: $time to $time + 1)

The door is locked(if:visits > 2)[, again]. [[Go back->ferry stairwell 0]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

You're not allowed to go down here. Stairs to: [[FLOOR 0->ferry stairwell 0]] (set: $time to $time + 1) (set: $floor to -1)

(if:$money > 0)[(if:visits is 1)[You put a euro in the machine and it dispenses a few balls, which you roll up the ramp. The first few rolls are a bit dire, but you manage to scrape together a few good rolls - not enough for a prize, though...(set: $money to $money - 1)](if:visits is 2)[You put another euro in and try to get a better score. At first, a few good rolls, but things turn sour as an otherwise well-aimed shot bounces off the rim of the 50 and rolls directly into the gutter at the front. You do not win a prize, despite your valiant efforts.(set: $money to $money - 1)](if:visits is 3)[You put yet another euro in the machine and line up again. This time, enough of your shots go in to win a prize. However, there are no attendants around to give you said prize.(set: $skeeballwin to true)(set: $money to $money - 1)](if:visits is 4)[The machine jams when it dispenses the balls. It's not going to work. And it took a euro!(set: $money to $money - 1)]](if:visits >= 5)+(if:(history: where its name contains "skee-ball prize")'s length is not 1)[The machine is still jammed.](if:$money <= 0)[You do not have enough money to play skee-ball.](if:(history: where its name contains "skee-ball prize")'s length is 1)[//"Alright, the choice is either a... [[water gun]] or a [[teddy bear]]."// Says the attendant. Somehow you wish that you hadn't asked.] (if:$money is not 0)+(if:(history: where its name contains "skee-ball prize")'s length is not 1)[You have €$money remaining.] (if:visits <= 3)+(if: $money > 0)[[[Play again->skee-ball]]] [[Go back.->ferry floor 2 arcade]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

(if:$money > 0)[It says there's a jackpot of €10.(set: $money to $money - 1)(set: _winnings to (either:0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,2,5,10)) You put a euro in the machine. You spin, and win €_winnings. (set: $money to $money + _winnings)](if:$money < 0)[Now, you have no money with which to play coin slots. (if:visits >= 5)[Which is, of course, to the surprise of no one, because you played coin slots a bunch of times...]] (if:$money > 0)[You have €$money remaining.] (if:$money > 0)[[Play again.->coin slots]] [[Leave.->ferry floor 2 arcade]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

(if: $money >= 2)[You play a racing game for two euros. It's quite fun. You don't get a high-score though, there are clearly people who've spent a lot of time and money on this...](if: $money <= 1)[You can't afford to play on the racing games right now. Perhaps go and win some at the slots?] [[Leave.->ferry floor 2 arcade]] (if: $money >= 2)[[[Play again.->racing games]]] (set: $money to $money - 2) (set: $time to $time + 1)

(if: $money >= 1)[You put a euro in the claw machine for three(if:visits >= 1)[ more] goes, and every single time, the (text-style:"blurrier")[bastard] claw drops the (text-style:"blurrier")[goddamned] thing right before it goes into the (text-style:"blurrier")[fucking] hole. Rigged, I tell you, rigged.(set: $money to $money - 1) But you got a little better at pushing buttons, that's for sure...](if: $money is 0)[You can't afford to play on the claw machines. But then again, who can? They're always rigged.] [[Leave.->ferry floor 2 arcade]] (if: $money >= 1)[[[Play again.->claw machines]]] (set: $buttonlevel to $buttonlevel + 1) (set: $time to $time + 1)

The motion simulator has a mop and bucket next to it, and a sign saying "DO NOT ENTER - HAZARDOUS MATERIAL". You wonder what's in there.(if:$restartstate is "sleep")[ A closer look reveals a child, sitting in it. He appears unwell and is attempting to stave off motion sickness by... [[sitting in a dark motion simulator->motion simulator chat]].] [[Leave.->ferry floor 2 arcade]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

Alright, maybe you do. But you probably won't know where to find it. [[Pack your bags.->pack your bags]]

"Excuse me..." you ask(after: time+1.5s)[= //"Yes?"//(after: time+1s)[= "I won a prize on the skee-ball machine."(after: time+2.5s)[= //"Ah, okay then. I'll come and get you one."//(after: time+2s)[= "[[Thanks.->skee-ball]]" (set: $time to $time + 1)

You recieve a water gun. The trigger isn't very responsive and there's nowhere you know where you can fill it with water. Not that there's anything to shoot. Was it worth the money? Probably not. [[Go back->ferry stairwell 2]] to the stairwell. [[Go back->ferry floor 2 arcade]] to the arcade. (set: $time to $time + 1)

You recieve a teddy bear. It's not falling apart at the seams, but the shoddy stitching makes it feel like it will be very soon. Plus, the fur feels... incorrect. Was it worth the money? Probably not. [[Go back->ferry stairwell 2]] to the stairwell. [[Go back->ferry floor 2 arcade]] to the arcade. (set: $time to $time + 1)

//"Right then, that'll be twenty-five euros."// "Oh, [[no thanks->ferry floor 3 info desk]] then." (if:$money >= 25)["[[Sure->executive ticket 2]], here's €25."] (set: $time to $time + 1)

//"Here you go. Enjoy your trip, and also this complementary voucher for a drink from the cafe."// "[[Thanks->ferry floor 3 info desk]]." (set: $money to $money - 25) (set: $time to $time + 1)

Oh, it's (text-style:"smear")[wonderful]. Simply amazing. The charm and the care that simply oozes out of every nook and cranny of this room is just wonderful. Don't you want to sit here and just [[wait->ferry floor 5 lounge]]?(if:(history: where its name contains "motion simulator chat")'s length >= 1)[ The kid's parents definitely aren't here. You try to ask around, but the atmosphere is so peaceful that after a few attempts you don't really try any harder.] I mean, you can [[leave->ferry floor 5 lounge door]], but why would you want to? (set:$time to $time + 3)

You catch fragments of conversation... [[Go back.->ferry floor 4 deck]] (live: 3.5s)[(either: "So what did you think of it then?","I don't really know what he meant by that.","And by that he meant 'I don't really know'","Can you hand me the lighter please.","Please can you hand me the lighter, come on.","It's not that hard.","Oh yeah, very interesting.","You are a very odd human, you know that?","What's Jack been up to? I haven't seen him in two weeks.","And what's Jonah been up to after that window broke?","Did you like this trip, babe?","Sorry for calling you honey, honey.","What about Tarek and his... adventures?","That's actually terrible. Usually I don't mean it when I say it but that is terrible.","I'm sorry, don't worry.","Who's picking us up from the port?","How's your mum doing then?","I'd love to buy a house out here when I have the money.","In Normandy? Nah, you want to go to the south of france.","I'm not that rich, christ... hahahaha!","Want to go back inside?","Not really.","Want a coffee?","Want to get something to eat?","If we move to the other side we'll be able to see the sun a bit more.","I'm not a big fan of the sun, to be honest.","I get that it sustains life on earth, but I tan very easily.","I heard she got in a tanning bed accident.","I hope Jack's friend is alright.","I hope the... uh, you know what I mean.","I didn't mean to say that in front of everyone there.","I've had my fair share of nachos too, you know.","Your eyes look blue. Like the Thames.","I was wondering...","I wonder when this snippet of dialogue will crop up again...","Click me.","I was not humming ABBA. You were the one humming ABBA.","And the printer jammed because of it.","And the world literally just froze. It was great.","If you could have a superpower //other than// invincibility, what would it be?","You're actually quite boring once I've gotten to know you.","Have a break.","Seriously, just cool down.","I wonder if you're actually a Virgo. I know, I hate me too.")] (set: $time to $time + 3)

(if:$money < 3)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//](if:$money >= 3)[//"Is that all I can get for you?"//(set:$money to $money - 3)] (if:$money >= 3)[[Yes, that's everything.->ferry floor 3 cafe]](if:$money < 3)[[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 cafe]]] More [[Coffee]]: €3 More [[Tea]]: €2 More [[Drinks]]: €2 More [[Sandwiches]]: €6 More [[Pastries]]: €3 Current balance: €$money

(if:$money >= 2)[//"Is that all I can get for you?"//(set:$money to $money - 2)](if:$money < 2)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//] (if:$money >= 2)[[Yes, that's everything.->ferry floor 3 cafe]](if:$money < 2)[[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 cafe]]] More [[Coffee]]: €3 More [[Tea]]: €2 More [[Drinks]]: €2 More [[Sandwiches]]: €6 More [[Pastries]]: €3 Current balance: €$money

(if:$money >= 6)[//"Is that all I can get for you?"//(set:$money to $money - 6)](if:$money < 6)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//] (if:$money >= 6)[[Yes, that's everything.->ferry floor 3 cafe]](if:$money < 6)[[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 cafe]]] More [[Coffee]]: €3 More [[Tea]]: €1 More [[Drinks]]: €2 More [[Sandwiches]]: €6 More [[Pastries]]: €3 Current balance: €$money

(if:$money >= 3)[//"Is that all I can get for you?"//(set:$money to $money - 3)](if:$money < 3)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//] (if:$money >= 3)[[Yes, that's everything.->ferry floor 3 cafe]](if:$money < 3)[[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 cafe]]] More [[Coffee]]: €3 More [[Tea]]: €2 More [[Drinks]]: €2 More [[Sandwiches]]: €6 More [[Pastries]]: €3 Current balance: €$money

(if:$money >= 10)[You buy the keychain. It's... tacky, at best.(set:$money to $money - 10)](if:$money < 10)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//] (if:$money >= 10)[[[Go back.->ferry floor 3 shop]]](if:$money < 10)[[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 shop]]] Current balance: €$money

(if:$money >= 5)[You buy the fake €0 note. It's not real money, but it really feels like it.(set:$money to $money - 5)](if:$money < 5)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//] (if:$money >= 5)[[[Go back.->ferry floor 3 shop]]](if:$money < 5)[[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 shop]]] Current balance: €$money

(if:$money >= 8)[You bought an inflatable baguette. Why? For €8?(set:$money to $money - 8)](if:$money < 8)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//] (if:$money >= 8)[[[Go back.->ferry floor 3 shop]]](if:$money < 8)[[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 shop]]] Current balance: €$money

(if:$money >= 15)[Now this, this is a sword to be proud of. But you're not five years old, so the charm is... somewhat faded.(set:$money to $money - 15)](if:$money < 15)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//] (if:$money >= 15)[[[Go back.->ferry floor 3 shop]]](if:$money < 15)[[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 shop]]] Current balance: €$money

(if:$money >= 3)[You buy the marbles. Well, I'm not sure what you thought this was going to be. It's... they're... they're just marbles of different colours. If you want a more specific description, they're swirlies, with either red, white or blue swirls in the middle - not all together. Although you swear you can see a hint of... never mind.(set:$money to $money - 3)](if:$money < 3)[//"Are you going to be paying for this?"//] (if:$money >= 3)[[[Go back.->ferry floor 3 shop]]](if:$money < 3)[[Ah, sorry.->ferry floor 3 shop]] Current balance: €$money

(if:$restartstate is "start")[The alarm continues to ring in a sort of random fashion. It's horrid, and you wished they had just told you what was going on instead. The intercom starts up, it's barely audible below the alarm.](if:$restartstate is "sleep")[The alarm keeps ringing. The captain sounds audibly worried, maybe even frenzied.] (live: 0.3s)[(either: "(text-style:'rumble')[BEEEEP] ","(text-style:'shudder')[BOOOOP] ")] (after: 4s)+(text-style:"wavy-strike","blurrier")+(if:$restartstate is "start")[This is your captain speaking.](after: 4s)+(text-style:"wavy-strike","blurrier")+(if:$restartstate is "sleep")[This is your captain speaking... //holy... uh... oh wow... fuck... is this on?//] (after: 6s)+(text-style:"wavy-strike","blurrier")+(if:$restartstate is "start")[Would all crew please guide passengers to the nearest lifeboats. ](after: 6s)+(text-style:"wavy-strike","blurrier")+(if:$restartstate is "sleep")[Can... can someone just help? Nothing's happening! Get them on the lifeboats. //Get them on the lifeboats!//] (after: 10s)+(text-style:"wavy-strike","blurrier")+(if:$restartstate is "start")[[[Thank you.->ferry alarm 2]]](after: 10s)+(text-style:"wavy-strike","blurrier")+(if:$restartstate is "sleep")[Jesus christ. I don't know about that, Jack, it's not working. Can someone find a way to turn the intercom off? [[It's not that ha-->ferry help]]]

Someone shouts from the back 'what do we do?' You've got [[nothing to say->ferry speaking]] in response. At least you don't have your car on board, you might have lost it if that was the case. A crew member stays behind to [[explain the situation->ferry alarm 3]] to the masses. (live: 0.3s)[(either: "(text-style:'rumble')[BEEEEP] ","(text-style:'shudder')[BOOOOP] ")]

There's an ambiguous mix of french and english shouting, but most people are reasonably calm. "Tell us what the (text-style:"blurrier")[f***] is [[going on!"->ferry speaking 2]] [[Remain calm.->ferry alarm 3]] (live: 0.3s)[(either: "(text-style:'rumble')[BEEEEP] ","(text-style:'shudder')[BOOOOP] ")]

The alarm is still going off. You're thinking that this isn't going to be a drill. Not that there would be a drill on a ferry, but anything could happen now. It's clearly an emergency. A crew member is showing people [[to the lifeboats->lifeboats 1]].

You ask what is going on. Someone near you tells you to shut up, as the french version of the announcement is playing. The alarm is still going off. (live: 0.3s)[(either: "(text-style:'rumble')[BEEEEP] ","(text-style:'shudder')[BOOOOP] ")] (after: 4s)[This is your captain speaking. Please remain calm and follow a member of staff to your nearest-] (after: 9s)[Yes, apologies for the... uh, please remain calm and [[proceed to the nearest lifeboats->lifeboats 1]].]

You [[proceed to the lifeboats->lifeboats 2]]. You swear that you'd heard some announcement about the safety guidelines, but you didn't pay attention. (if:(history: where its name contains "arcade")'s length >= 1)+(if: $restartstate is "start")[It was probably when you were visiting the arcade... ](if: $restartstate is "sleep")[You regret not bringing earplugs this time...] (live: 0.3s)[(either: "(text-style:'rumble')[BEEEEP] ","(text-style:'shudder')[BOOOOP] ")]

You approach the lifeboats, but there's already a queue forming. The alarms aren't quite so loud. [[Push to the front.->lifeboats pushing]] (if: $restartstate is "start")[[Stay where you are.->lifeboats 3]](if: $restartstate is "sleep")[[Stay where you are.->lifeboats 5]] (live: 0.3s)[(either: "(text-style:'rumble')[BEEEEP] ","(text-style:'shudder')[BOOOOP] ")]

You try and walk to the front, pushing past some people. Most people are too busy panicking to notice. You notice a [[door->lifeboats door]]. The guards ask you to [[go to the back->lifeboats 4]].

You [[wait->lifeboats 4]]. It's quite an atmosphere, all things considered. You think you see [[something out on the water->lifeboats something]] amdist the mist, but it's not particularly striking.

The door is locked, sadly, and to make matters worse the guards tell you to go [[right to the back->lifeboats 4]]. There is to be no exploring now, it's an emergency situation.

The queue moves quite quickly, and a man comes up to you and asks if you've seen his child. You have not, but he looks so distraught that maybe it's worth saying something. But alas, [[the moment passes->lifeboats 5]] and he walks off.

(text-style:"blur")[[[Something.->lifeboats 4]]]

(either: "It's out of order.","The lock is red.","You take a look in there and think, 'probably best to just pick another one.'","You walk in and do your business. That's all you could have asked for.","You walk in and do your business. That's all you could have asked for.","You walk in and do your business. That's all you could have asked for.","You walk in and do your business. That's all you could have asked for.","You walk in and do your business. That's all you could have asked for.","You walk in and do your business. That's all you could have asked for.","You walk in and do your business. That's all you could have asked for.","You walk in and do your business. That's all you could have asked for.") [[Leave.->ferry floor 3 toilets]] (set: $time to $time + 1) (set: $business to 1)

Eventually, (if:(history: where its name contains "motion simulator chat")'s length = 0)[after a few other people ask you about missing persons, and a few more shout names into the crowd in hope of a response, ]you get on a lifeboat.] It's small, and cramped, and extremely cold. Somehow, the air is almost icy. Some pasty holidaymaker comments on the situation, //"It's fucking freezing out 'ere."// [["Yeah, bloody hell."->lifeboats 8]] (if: $restartstate is "start")[[["We are in the middle of the channel, after all."->lifeboats channel]]]

It //is// cold though. [[Wait.->lifeboats 7]]

//"Yeah, like some of those migrants we found over on the beaches, eh?"// [["Yeah."->lifeboats 6]] [["It must be so horrible."->lifeboats channel 2]]

//"Absolutely. Must be a horrible situation for 'em."// He says, showing more nuance than the accent has orignally offered. You feel a bit silly for assuming that he'd say something to ruin the mood. Not that there was much mood to ruin. You look around the lifeboat, and everyone else is quiet, anticipating your response. No one seems to be saying anything. [["Yeah."->lifeboats 6]] [["Yeah, mate."->lifeboats channel 3]]

//"Yeah it's 'orrible they're freezing because it means we've gotta thaw 'em out when they get to Dover!"// which was then promptly followed by laughing. [["Yeah."->lifeboats 6]] [[Stay silent.->lifeboats channel 4]]

The man continues on. But mainly with jokes about //Castaway// or //Lord Of The Flies//. [[Wait.->lifeboats 7]]

You're getting tired of waiting. In more ways than one, I assume. It's just silly to have to replicate the feeling of the passage of time with repeatedly clicking- uh, I mean... //waiting//. Repeatedly waiting. Yes, that's it. That's what you're sick of. [[Waiting.->lifeboats 8]]

The mist settles in some more. There's really not that much to see out here. Even the other lifeboats are drifting off. And as well as that, you feel like you're drifting off to sleep as well. It's cold, but the little foil blanket that they gave you is really helping. So much so that you think that, if you make it out alive, you're going to get one for use at home. It might save you quite a lot on your heating bill. [[Wait.->lifeboats 9]] (if: $restartstate is 'sleep')[[Sleep.->sleep]]

(text-style:"blur")[It's getting even darker. But only because your eyelids keep slipping. [[Wait.->lifeboats 10]]]

(text-style:"blurrier")[It's very late now. [[Wait.->lifeboats 11]]]

(text-style:"blurrier")+(text-colour:grey)[[[Sleep.->sleep]] [[Wait.->lifeboats 11]]]

(after: 4s)+(text-style:"blurrier")[Finally, you sleep. In your dreams, there is not much. (if:(history: where its name contains "lifeboats something")'s length >= 1)[Except //something//. This unnameable //something//. A presence, perhaps? You don't know how to put words to it.]] (after: 10s)[It feels like time to stir now. [[Something says so.->hotel room]]] (if: $restartstate is 'start')(set: $restartstate to 'sleep') (if: $restartstate is 'sleep')(set: $restartstate to 'sleep2') (set: $plays to $plays + 1)

You try and see if the walls are... wait, what would you be checking the walls for? I mean, seriously? You think you've been here before - or had a really vivid dream about doing this all before? Well, I say you're [[losing it->hotel room walls 2]].

You think for ways to check whether you're in a dream. You don't have a spinning top on you right now, so [[pinching yourself->hotel room pinch]] is going to have to suffice. Or perhaps [[going back to sleep->hotel room nap]] for a bit. That might work.

... (after:3s)[I'm so sorry for that outburst. I didn't mean to insinuate that you were, in fact, 'losing it'. I just wanted to understand why you thought that you'd seen this place before. You haven't, this is a new day, you've just woken up. I just want to reassure you it's going to be [[okay->hotel room walls 3]].]

I mean it. [[Return to packing.->pack your bags]]

It doesn't change anything. So, you must, logically, be awake. [[Pack your bags.->pack your bags]]

The nap does nothing (except waste a bit of time, that is...) [[Pack your bags.->pack your bags]]

Yeah, they're not much to look at, but they say some cool stuff. (click-replace: "some cool stuff")[some words in french that you don't think you really understand] (click-replace: "understand")[understand - but what is it to really //understand// another language? Sure, you could just know the meanings of the words, but I don't think that would count for true understanding] (click-replace: "true understanding")[true understanding. Imagine, if you will, being locked inside a box with nothing but a chinese dictionary. You are fed messages in from a small slot in the side of the room, and your job is to use the dictionary (and assorted other grammar-related books) to compose a response to the message, which you then feed out through the same small slot. To someone outside the box, it would appear that you could speak fluent chinese, but you could not without the help of the material] (click-replace: "material")[material. Is there a difference between the two? What really differentiates knowledge from mere circumstance? The answer, like all good ones, is vague. [[Continue packing->packing 2]]]

They're really rickety stairs. Thankfully your bag is light, so it's not providing much resistance to being lifted. Nothing's at the top of them, though, a locked door that presumably leads out onto the roof. The other floors are like your own, but somehow worse. [[Back downstairs.->hotel pool]]

They want to escape the pool, the wind picks at their edges but the water tension is too great. And so they remain. [[Back.->hotel corridor 3]]

//058582411074//(more:)[[[ Back to packing.->packing 3]]] The numbers start to blur together a little... surely this means you're in a dream? The more you look, the more they resolve themselves. (click-replace: "0")[3] (click-replace: "1")[8] (click-replace: "2")[6] (click-replace: "3")[1] (click-replace: "4")[0] (click-replace: "5")[7] (click-replace: "6")[5] (click-replace: "7")[2] (click-replace: "8")[9] (click-replace: "9")[4]

You see the hundreds of people around you. A man comes up to you and asks you about his child, which has gone missing.(if:(history: where its name contains "motion simulator chat")'s length >= 1)[ He might be in the arcade in the motion simulator. //"Oh thank you!"// He says, calling out to his wife to head downstairs.] You [[walk on->ferry help 2]], knowing that maybe you did something good today.

[[Are you okay?->motion simulator chat A]] [[Where are your parents?->motion simulator chat B]]

//"I feel sick."// [["Where are your parents?"->motion simulator chat B]] [["Do you want me to help you?"->motion simulator chat C]] [["Ok."->ferry floor 2 arcade]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

//"They're waiting for me in the cafe."// [["Alright."->ferry floor 2 arcade]] [["Are you telling the truth?"->motion simulator chat D]] [["Are you okay?"->motion simulator chat A]] (set: $time to $time + 1)

//"No."// He seems very angry. [["Alright then."->ferry floor 2 arcade]] [["You sure?"->motion simulator chat D]]

//"Yeah."// [["I don't believe you."->motion simulator chat E]] [["Ok."->ferry floor 2 arcade]]

//"I just feel sick. I don't want to see my parents right now."// You realise this isn't really going anywhere. Maybe it might be worth looking for his parents in the cafe. [["Ok."->ferry floor 2 arcade]]

You keep walking along until someone says, //"We need a few people to help pry open one of the doors. Most of our staff are getting safety equipment ready!"// [[Help with the door.->ferry help 3]] [[Continue queueing.->lifeboats 1]]

You, and half a dozen other people follow one of the staff to a [[door on the fourth floor->ferry help 4]]. You look around and see the bar, and there's someone scavenging the supplies there. (click-replace: 'scavenging the supplies there.')[attempting to hold as many bottles as they can.]

You think you're so clever, do you? [[Back.->welcome]]

The door is jammed, but has a large bar to pull, and the group does so. [[Get ready to pull.->ferry door pull]]

Pull!(click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ](click: 'Pull!')[Pull! ] (more:)[The door thunks open, and the staff tell you to [[go back->lifeboats 2]] to the lifeboats. But the door is open, it might be worth having [[a look->ferry door pull look]].]

It looks mechanical in there. Everyone else has left. [[Go through the door.->ferry door inside]] [[Explore the abandoned ship.->ferry door noone]] [[Go back to the lifeboats.->lifeboats 5]]

A horrid mechanical-ness reminiscent of the waiting room is in here. There doesn't seem to be anyone in this whole area. Switches and dials line one of the walls. One of them is labelled '[[Emergency Lighting->ferry lighting]]'. Another is labelled, 'Lifeboat Release 2', and a big lever is labelled with '[[Main Cabin Access->ferry main cabin]]'. (click-replace: 'Lifeboat Release 2')[Lifeboat Release 2'. It does... nothing. Well, I mean, nothing that you can see. So 'nothing...]

(text-colour:black)[The lights go off. In retrospect, it was more of a switch to turn the lights //off//, rather than on... I mean, you can press it again, if you can [[find it.->ferry door inside]]]

Oh, wow, there's actually more things to look at in here! You thought it might just be a pointless little side closet, but no. There are yet more buttons, but most of them are in locked panels. The ones that aren't are labelled boring things like 'Extrusion Manifold Lower' and 'Extrusion Manifold Upper'. What's up with that? There's a corridor which says leads [[to the bridge->ferry bridge]], or you could head [[back to the fourth deck->ferry door noone]].

There are a variety of buttons to press, and an impressive-looking wheel, and the bridge also surveys the majority of the boat. Not much is visible on the top decks, but there's a sign that some of the lifeboats are leaving. [[Fiddle with the buttons.->ferry bridge buttons]] [[Turn the wheel.->ferry wheel]] [[Head back to the lifeboats.->ferry door noone]]

You can see the people clambering into the lifeboats downstairs. It might be worth going down to get a seat on one. Out to sea, the mist is rolling in once more, and you feel somewhat drowsy. I don't think you were this drowsy last time. But this time is for real, remember?(if: $restartstate is 'sleep2')[ Oh yeah, for 'real'.] Anyway, the bar, lounge, and deck are still open. (click: "bar")[ It's been pilfered. But there's a bottle of Jack Daniels, so I suppose you can [[take it->ferry floor 4 bar stealing]] if you like. ] (click: "lounge")[ It's been pilfered, but only what hasn't been bolted to the floor. I suppose the ferry operator wants to save their money? ] (click: "deck")[ Oh, even the tables are gone. How have they disappeared? No one would just take a table, right? ] (click-replace: "No one")[No one (except something)] (more:)[[[Head to the lifeboats.->lifeboats 5]]]

Yup, there's a reason no one took this stuff. But where is all the other stuff? Surely there's only so many staff members with comically overstuffed jacket pockets. [[Go back to the lifeboats.->lifeboats 5]]

(text-colour:red)[=(border: "solid")[(cycling-link: " Rudder Enable "," Rudder Disable "," Rudder Partially Able "," Rudder Unable To Get It Up Nowadays "," Rudder's Wife Left Him, Don't Judge ")](border: "solid")[(cycling-link: ' Shift Ballast To Bow ',' Shift Ballast To Port ',' Forget What Port & Starboard Mean ',' Surely Port Is Left, Right? '," No I Don't Mean Right As In The Direction ",' God Damn It Please Just Use Left And Right Next Time ',' Shift Ballast To Left ',' No, Your Other Left... ')](border: "solid")[(cycling-link: ' Dispose Of Lunch ',' Dispose Of Brenda ',' Dispose Of Mice ',' Dispose Of Disposal Unit ',' Dispose Of Self-Referential Bullshit ',' Disp- ',' ')](border: "solid")[(cycling-link: "Ominous Noises: On","Ominous Noises: Off","Ominous Noises: Only On When It's Ominous Enough")](border: "solid")[(cycling-link: "Ominousness Sensitivity: Low",'Ominousness Sensitivity: Med','Ominousness Sensitivity: High','Ominousness Sensitivity: Quake Pro')](border: "solid")[(cycling-link:"Button Brevity: Extremely, Quite Intolerably Low","Button Brevity: Sort Of Medium","Button Brevity: High Enough","Button Br.: V. High","BB: VVH","B: X"," ")](border: "solid")[(cycling-link: "Reduce Number Of Buttons By 1","")](border: "solid")[(cycling-link: "Return To The Beginning Of The Game","Oh, you actually clicked on this one?","Nice.","")](border: "solid")[[[Extreme Button Masher 3000->button masher]]]

(text-style:"buoy")+(text-colour:red)+(if: $button is 0)[[[Begin the game!->button masher]]](if:$button > 0)+(text-style:"buoy")+(text-colour:red)[[[Press the button!->button masher]]] $button clicks remaining! They don't call it Extreme Button Masher 3000 for nothing!(if: visits > 5)+(if: visits < 10)[ That's right, it saves your progress!](if: visits > 15)+(if: visits < 20)[ Wow, uh, I mean, sure.](if: visits > 50)+(if: visits < 55)[ I really didn't think anyone would do the whole thing.] [[Return to the other buttons.->ferry bridge buttons]] (if: $buttonlevel is 0)[(set: $buttonlevel to 1)] (if:visits is 1)[(set: $button to 3000)] (set: $button to $button - $buttonlevel)